The other day, I came back to my car and found the following note wedged into the driver’s side window:
Some people might scrunch up the paper and toss it away. Some people might be angry. Some people might be scared. I wanted to understand. I honestly could not figure out what this individual was upset about. I walked around my car looking to see if I was parked in the bike lane. I was not. I looked to see if I was hanging over someone’s driveway, but I was not. I checked the signage, and I was parked legally.
It was a rainy evening when I arrived at the place I was going, I was attending a writing workshop. It was still drizzling when I left. So, there were few people out and about. There weren’t many cars parked on the street, either; there were plenty of spots available. For those who know Albany, I was on Madison Avenue in the area that formerly housed Saint Rose’s campus. Anyway, the point is, I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I don’t like doing things wrong, and I don’t like it when someone is upset with me. I have probably already spent more time on this than most people would, but that is me.
So, I came up with an explanation, but I have no idea if it is true. When I arrived, an individual was getting out of his car. I started to pull over to park. Maybe he thought I came too close to him? I certainly didn’t think so, and he showed no discernible reaction at the time.
If the point of leaving the note was to educate me so I would become a better driver, it failed. I can console myself with the fact that at least the person signed the note with a smiley face. What was that about, after calling me an asshole?
The point I did get from the note is that people are angry. It doesn’t take much to get someone riled up these days. While that has always been true to some extent, I believe it is worse. Is that your experience?
In another instance, I was waiting to cross the street in Manhattan. I was at 96th and Columbus, a major, busy intersection. Not one of those smaller streets that you sometimes cross against the light. As my fellow pedestrians and I stepped off the curb because we had the green, a car ran the red light. I was startled and put my palms up and open in the universal signal of ‘what the hell?’ I didn’t yell. I didn’t give the driver the finger. I just gestured in a questioning way, what are you doing? He, it was a male driver, came to a stop, looked at me with fury and gave me a very aggressive middle finger. He may have accompanied it with a f*** you, but in the din of Manhattan, I didn’t hear it. I was taken aback. I didn’t think my reaction warranted that, plus he was in the wrong! He went through a red light!
It all leaves me uneasy. If people are so on edge, I guess we need to walk on eggshells. You never know how close someone is to losing it (and if they are carrying a weapon). Plus, I need to grow a thicker skin. I certainly can’t take these things personally.
I should mention there are pleasant interactions, too. At that workshop, the folks at my table were friendly. I’m sure I’ve had lots of people hold the door for me, but I don’t necessarily notice. Maybe I need to be more mindful of those gestures, and it will give me a more balanced perspective of what is going on. I probably take those ordinary kindnesses for granted.
I know when I am in the car, I can get impatient with slow drivers or with folks who aren’t paying attention (most likely on their phone), but I try not to overreact. I remind myself that nothing is that important, I’m not in that much of a rush. Plus, I don’t want to get into some kind of road rage situation.
Do you think the tone of our interactions has changed? Or am I giving too much weight to the angry ones?
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